Beware ... This post not for sensitive viewers!

I recently entered a competition to knit a bag based on Jeffrey Dahmer (remember him ... the cannibal who murdered young guys and then kept body parts in his fridge etc!) Yeah, I know ... I am weird, but hey, I'm cute!

Anyhooo, the website had a basic bag with a dagger knitted into it .... I modified it to this .....




Unfortunately,the contest website has not been updated, so I don't know if they liked the bag .... Now, just exactly what am I going to do with it ... Can't quite see myself walking down the street with an intestine draped artistically over my shoulder, can you?

Felting .... Second verse, same as the first !

I refused to give up ... I wanted to felt the bloody bowl, even if it killed me!

Today I decided, after chatting to a knitting pal who has "vast" experience in felting (she felted a hat by mistake and ended up with a bowl ... which is exactly the reverse of what I tried to do!!) maybe my washing machine does not get hot enough to do the deed.

So .... I BOILED my hat/bowl in a saucepan on the stove. Picture the scene ...

Dinnertime - DD lifts lid of saucepan as she asks her regular daily question "So, what's for dinner?"
Me : "Boiled raccoon"
DD *screams and faints*
Yeah, well it COULD have happened, you know!

Anyhoooo, I boiled it and I poked it again and I squished and squashed it again and guess what ..... it felted -slightly-, in that it got sort of furry, but guess what else ....

......

...... go on, guess ......

......

it

S - T - R - E - T - C - H - E - D
Yup, it is now the size of a generous lampshade, BUT IT IS FELTED .....
I WIN, I WIN, I WIN!!

I'm a F***ing failure!

F-e-l-t-ing, felting, I'm a Felting Failure!!

I got some Lopi 100% wool, which is virtually guaranteed to felt if you just wave it over some water. Well, I decided to make a lovely felted bowl for knitting knick-knacks ... So, as per the instructions of several websites I consulted, I knitted with the wool doubled - to ensure that it would be nice and thick in the end.
The tight doubleknitted stitches played havoc with my wrists, but it was finally done ....
It looked like this BEFORE FELTING

The label distinctly says "Gentle handwash in lukewarm water, do not rub or wring" - HAH! With a peverse sense of pleasure ... I proceeded to dunk it in water, I squished it and squashed it, I pummeled it and poked it with a wooden spoon, I mangled it and even mashed it with a potato masher (does it sound like I was having a bit TOO much fun??) I poured a kettleful of boiling water over it - it smelt like a wet sheep, a very DEAD wet sheep! I tossed it into a pillowcase, along with a couple of plastic lids (for extra agitation, you know ... although the only thing getting agitated was ME!) I bunged it into the washing machine with a pair of jeans (for EXTRA agitation ...) and sent it off for 20 minutes of hot water swirling and churning. I could almost HEAR the fibres screaming for mercy .... HHHHAAAHHH!
Opening the washing machine door was like opening a long awaited Christmas present ... with impatience I ripped open the pillowcase and tumbled the contents out ...
It looked like THIS - AFTER FELTING :



Do you think it looks e-x-a-c-t-l-y the same as the "BEFORE" photo????

I told you I am a F***ing failure!! And I now have a lovely, non felted, fairly floppy, pure wool HAT instead!!