NSFW .... A-G-A-I-N !!

...Or, How the Penis Purse became the Penis Picnic Pack ...

You all remember the Penis Purse, don't you?


W..e..l..l, SOMEBODY'S husband was mightily upset when he saw HIS WIFE knitting it - saying "People will think you modelled that midget thing on me!! OMG"








So SOMEBODY'S WIFE said "Give me the measurements YOU think it should be"
And it turned out like this :
(I am not going to take the bait and say anything about there being place for some liquid refreshment and a bag for your nuts)














As compared to the Penis Purse!




All SOMEBODY'S WIFE can say is : Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha*cough*hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
*wishful thinking*
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

If Thickness was a Sickness - we'd all be dead!

My very sweet knitting pal, Maryannlucy ... you remember her from previous posts, don't you? ... sent me a fab parcel the other day. And inside was a fab, fab, fab bag knitted by her very own self and felted especially for me ('cause I'm "felting-challenged", you know).
This is the bag ...

You will notice that the straps are not quite equal length ...

"Shame" said DH, "maybe she is old and did not notice they were so different" - "She's young and a very talented knitter", I SNORTED!!!

"Shame" said DD, "maybe she ran out of yarn" - "No way, MAL is a perfectionist, she made it like this ON PURPOSE", I INSISTED!!!

Maybe the long strap goes over the shoulder and the short one around your wrist ... well, only if you are a pretzel!

I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON ... I JUST HAD TO FIND OUT WHAT IT WAS ......

"Tummm da rumm dumm" *Cue the best Sherlock Holmes detective-type music

I pulled and poked and pushed ....



Nope,that's not right .....

Nor is that .....

And THEN I found it - the secret tuck .... OMG, is this not the most wonderful, clever, exceptional, unique and just plain fab bag you have ever seen?????I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I love MARYANNLUCY.

Oh, yes .... did I tell you it is knitted in NORO!

I swear, if she wasn't already married, I would propose to her!!

Blocked - AGAIN

... also known as : You've got something stuck up your butt - oh,it's your head!

Well, they have done it again - these CLEVER clots who control everything we see and do here -
Ravelry is banned again ... it is listed as a "social site" which, of course, means everyone who logs into it is looking for depraved, degrading, disgusting, amoral, immoral kicks!
... Mind you ... there is the beanis pattern ...

*Sigh*

So, until they come to their stupid senses, this blog is my only way of communicating with the outside world ...

All the way from the Arctic ...

Months after it was posted, I finally received a lovely swap parcel from Megera who lives in northern Canada ... this girl sent me PHOTOS of the Northern Lights over her house !! Just how COOL is that??????

Anyway, Precious and I ripped into the parcel and out popped some gorgeous handspun yarn ... a red, then a blue, then a green ... then more yarn - fabulous variegated yarn (I knitted it, that same night, into some slipper socks) ... then more yarn - *faint* sock yarn : 2 balls of grey and 2 balls of denim blue, so soft and squishable ...

And, in between these treasures was a stunning stained glass ornament of the Northern Lights - hung in a window, it is just breathtaking! And a real eskimo mug which is perched on top of the tv so I can admire it constantly. Then there was a packet of teas - such unusual flavours (including Labrador!!) - they have made my whole house smell divine!

Ah, I can just hear you all saying - "what a wonderful package" .... but wait, wait, there's MORE!!

Vogue Knitting Magazine *gasp* and .... Interweave Knits *omg* The issue with the pattern for THE mittens!

Thank you so very much Megera, it was a looong wait, but so very worth it!

Definitely NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR KIDS ....

May I present to you ..... a gift made for my friend "K"
(because I can SO see her whipping it out to pay for something at the store)

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NOT SAFE FOR WORK !

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Gives new meaning to "Shake your money-maker"

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Ladies and gentlemen .... the Penis Purse ! Complete with coin "sack" and note roll
And, btw, the more money you've got, the stiffer it gets!

And now for something completely different ....

And ... OH SO APPETISING ...

Been busy ....

A month ?!?!? Has it really been A MONTH since I last posted ...omg, time sure flies when you're having fun!!

I have been having me some fun - with my knitting. I hauled out all the UFO's that have been mocking me for months ... some were frogged with glee, some were neatly repacked back in the cupboard and some were actuallllly turned into FO's!! Have a peek at these :

DD's new "butterfly" jersey - I love this colour on her, and it goes with lots of other colours.















The yarn I bought in Italy recently is slowly becoming a shrug/shawl/jersey - based on Knitty's Convertible, but, as usual, with loads of my own modifications.















At the moment it looks kinda like a crazy coloured butterfly ....

THE most deeevine Christmas stocking EVER!

Once again http://maryannlucy.blogspot.com/outdid herself with her Christmas parcel to me ...Don'cha wish your knit-pal was SPECIAL like mine? Don'cha?


PS : Sorry this pic is so late ... I had to search all over the computer for it ... Guess in which directory DH saved the photo ...
Christmas? No!
Daughter? No!
Knitting? No!
Abu Dhabi Scenic Places? Yes, of course!!
Men!! You just gotta love them!

Still hanging onto Harry

We received some blue and some silver yarn in our Harry Potter Swap (DD is a Ravenclaw after all!) I wanted to knit her something kinda magical/not-run-of-the-mill, but because (a) there was only one ball of each colour and (b) it is really thick yarn and we live in a desert ... it was difficult to imagine what to do.
But, viola, inspiration hit and this is what it said : Knit a star, knit a cushion ... wait, knit a star cushion!!


















I wanted it to be flat, not stuffed with lumpy stuffing (if you get what I mean ....) So I bought a crib matress and cut it to fit. I edged it with black sparkly thread crocheted all around (well, it IS a star, it has GOT to have a bit of sparkle!)
Of course, madam Princess had to inspect it first, but luckily she approved.
It really turned out well, DD sits on it, lies on it, props it behind her back, cuddles with it, uses it as a bed accessory, and just basically lurves it!

Pixieriot also sent us the Charmed Knits book and the embroidery yarn recommended by them to knit a bookmark ... so I knitted it too ...



Let it be noted here and now that this is the VERY very very first time I have actually knitted a pattern EXACTLY as written and with EXACTLY the recommended yarn!!
(Big step for me!!) ... For goodness sake, I even cut the bloody fringes EXACTLY the length the book said!

Knitting for others (Part 3)

Less religious than me, you cannot get
And MORE religious than my sister, you cannot get
Explain THAT if you can!

Sis loves anything with a religious overtone, so, based on the prayer-afghan which I saw on this blog : http://hissyknit.blogspot.com/

We have the prayer bookmark ....

Knitting for others (Part 2)

Ah, baby knitting is so much fun ... but, unfortunately, I don't have any babies to knit for ... or I DIDN'T! Now I am knitting for premature and stillborn babies in hospital (organised by a Knitty Knitter : http://christophersdonations.blogspot.com/ )

It's like doll knitting - but I guess, they ARE little dolls, aren't they? Bless them!

Knitting for others (Part 1)

I love knitting (in case you didn't know!) but I don't really love wearing stuff that I have knitted for myself ... don't know why, but I seldom knit for myself. So, with that in mind, and now that DD can knit for herself, I am on a charity knitting binge. My first efforts were for injured soldiers in hospitals in America (requested by a fellow Ravelry knitter : http://knitplaywithfire.wordpress.com/small-comforts/ )

I don't have much yarn in my stash and there is none available here in the UAE, but I used what I had and these are what I managed to create :


















Unfortunately, weeks after being posted, the package was returned to me - in a "slightly dishevelled" state .... note to self : Don't post parcels over Christmas, unless they are FOR Christmas! So, I shall re-post it (and re-pay the Dh150 ... aka 285 Rands ... aka 40Dollars!!) ~Sigh~ Well, I hope when it finally gets there, they like them and can use them!

My Big Fat Greek Socks

So ... yeah ... DD went on her very first "alone" trip - no Mommy and Daddy (although, Grandad and Grandma were with her). And the place they chose to visit - the Greek Islands ... well, nobody said DD had cheap tastes!!

I wanted a small part of me to be with her, so I secretly knitted her some socks with the Greek flag on them. She got to unwrap them on the plane en route to Athens. I am so glad I did them because apparently she was a bit homesick (missing Momma) the first couple of days and hugging and snuggling the socks helped!! Awwww!

Some UFO's came to settle in my home ....

Sometimes, when I read through my blog, I wonder to myself ... do you ACTUALLY do any knitting? Or do you just waffle all day? Well, Yes, I do occasionally knit - mostly then frog, then knit again, then frog again ... now you understand why there are so few FO pics!! But every now and then I do finish something ... Like this :

A friend sent me some Sari yarn to try - it was a small ball and therefore, it became this .... A sweater for my cellphone!! (Which often complains of the cold!)















But, I just gotta say, although it is pretty yarn, it is a f**king bugger to knit with : it is lumpy and bumpy and twists and coils around itself -





In other words, it is just plain crappy!






But at least my little cellphone is as snug as a .... well, as a cellphone in a sweater!

Happy Hell 'O Weird

So, what about the wool/yarn then???

In anticipation of the millions of wool shops and mounds of yarn, I actually took an EMPTY suitcase which I intended to fill to the brim with wool and knitting needles from Italy......

Number of wool shops found : NONE
Number of shaken (shook?!) heads when asking for wool shops : MANY
Number of small haberdashery shops with one small basket of wool : ONE
Number of balls of wool from basket purchased and brought home : TEN
(TEN!! Ten frigging balls of wool in the whole of Italy - and no choice of colours or types - just TEN BALLS!!)

But, I was so excited after two weeks of total withdrawal to finally find the shop with the wool, that I grabbed every ball they had in the basket.
Saleslady to me : "You no can take-a all the wool-a"
Me to saleslady : "Oh yes-a I can-a"
Saleslady : "NAW, leave for nother signora"
Me : "F**k nother signora, I want it ALL"
Saleslady : "NAW!!!!!!! macaronispaggettiraviollitagliatelli* (*unintelligible stream of Italian)"
Me : Grabbing handsful of wool "Give me this NOW"
Saleslady : "Half-a now, half-a tomorrow"
Me : "W-T-F????"
Saleslady : "Mama Mia ....!!!"
Me : "Mama flipping MIA ....!!!"

So, I bought half the balls then, and had to make a return trip the next day to buy the rest - which, lucky for the saleslady, was still there!!

And this is what all the fuss was about (there are 4 balls of the reddish ones) :



Oh yes, and the ONE pair of double pointed needles they had - twice as long as normal - I am not sure if I will ever actually USE them, but I HAD to have them too!!

Oh alright then ......

There WERE some slightly younger, slightly sexier, slightly yummier Eye Tal Eons. In fact, there were MEN IN TIGHTS even ....














However, when they whipped out their flagpoles (yep, that's what I said!!) and started waving them around for the audience to admire ......












We began to feel nervous and wonder about them ....








.... and THEN .... they staged a battle and began whacking each other with swords and broomsticks .....














Until they "died" ...














Well, that was when I KNEW .... we South Africans may be strange, but at least we are not completely LOCO COCO!!

Italian Stallions

(especially for You-Know-Who .... don't you Maryannlucy??)

Purely in the interests of research, OF COURSE, we headed for the market to case out the local Italian stallions ....














But found the offerings were about as derelict as the 400 year old buildings around them!














But if you look at what they eat .... it's no wonder they are all dried up and shriveled!















This is the best sighting of an Italian stallion we got all vacation ...!


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Hedwig's great great great granddaughter arrived!

My Harry Potter swap pal sent us a lovely package which seemed to have toured the world before landing on our doorstep (it came from Canada, went to the USA, then to India (?!) and finally to us in the UAE!!)

Look at the lovely loot we received :

I was so excited to get the Charmed Knits book and the embroidery yarn, that I immediately started a Ravenclaw bookmark for DD. I took it on holiday and now it is finished and really looks smart - the first time EVER that I have knitted a pattern exactly, with no changes to the yarn or pattern!!

Thanks Pixieriot, you can breathe now!

Guess who's back ......

Oh yeah ... you thought I was gone for good, did you? No such luck ... I needed a bit of time to clear my head and then went looking for some Italian stallions .... (more about that later) - so pour yourself a strong cuppa chow or a double whiskey, sit back, put your feet up and have a squiz at what's been going on in MY life .....

Do you D A R E ?????? Huh? Huh? Do you? I double dare you ....