Beware ... This post not for sensitive viewers!

I recently entered a competition to knit a bag based on Jeffrey Dahmer (remember him ... the cannibal who murdered young guys and then kept body parts in his fridge etc!) Yeah, I know ... I am weird, but hey, I'm cute!

Anyhooo, the website had a basic bag with a dagger knitted into it .... I modified it to this .....




Unfortunately,the contest website has not been updated, so I don't know if they liked the bag .... Now, just exactly what am I going to do with it ... Can't quite see myself walking down the street with an intestine draped artistically over my shoulder, can you?

Felting .... Second verse, same as the first !

I refused to give up ... I wanted to felt the bloody bowl, even if it killed me!

Today I decided, after chatting to a knitting pal who has "vast" experience in felting (she felted a hat by mistake and ended up with a bowl ... which is exactly the reverse of what I tried to do!!) maybe my washing machine does not get hot enough to do the deed.

So .... I BOILED my hat/bowl in a saucepan on the stove. Picture the scene ...

Dinnertime - DD lifts lid of saucepan as she asks her regular daily question "So, what's for dinner?"
Me : "Boiled raccoon"
DD *screams and faints*
Yeah, well it COULD have happened, you know!

Anyhoooo, I boiled it and I poked it again and I squished and squashed it again and guess what ..... it felted -slightly-, in that it got sort of furry, but guess what else ....

......

...... go on, guess ......

......

it

S - T - R - E - T - C - H - E - D
Yup, it is now the size of a generous lampshade, BUT IT IS FELTED .....
I WIN, I WIN, I WIN!!

I'm a F***ing failure!

F-e-l-t-ing, felting, I'm a Felting Failure!!

I got some Lopi 100% wool, which is virtually guaranteed to felt if you just wave it over some water. Well, I decided to make a lovely felted bowl for knitting knick-knacks ... So, as per the instructions of several websites I consulted, I knitted with the wool doubled - to ensure that it would be nice and thick in the end.
The tight doubleknitted stitches played havoc with my wrists, but it was finally done ....
It looked like this BEFORE FELTING

The label distinctly says "Gentle handwash in lukewarm water, do not rub or wring" - HAH! With a peverse sense of pleasure ... I proceeded to dunk it in water, I squished it and squashed it, I pummeled it and poked it with a wooden spoon, I mangled it and even mashed it with a potato masher (does it sound like I was having a bit TOO much fun??) I poured a kettleful of boiling water over it - it smelt like a wet sheep, a very DEAD wet sheep! I tossed it into a pillowcase, along with a couple of plastic lids (for extra agitation, you know ... although the only thing getting agitated was ME!) I bunged it into the washing machine with a pair of jeans (for EXTRA agitation ...) and sent it off for 20 minutes of hot water swirling and churning. I could almost HEAR the fibres screaming for mercy .... HHHHAAAHHH!
Opening the washing machine door was like opening a long awaited Christmas present ... with impatience I ripped open the pillowcase and tumbled the contents out ...
It looked like THIS - AFTER FELTING :



Do you think it looks e-x-a-c-t-l-y the same as the "BEFORE" photo????

I told you I am a F***ing failure!! And I now have a lovely, non felted, fairly floppy, pure wool HAT instead!!

Look who's chatting on MSN

Do you recognize the avatar on the top right of the page?

Kool Aid is sooo Kooool

(Note : This entry is dedicated to Deb Brown, a fellow knitter without whose generosity, none of this creative wizardry would have been possible. Thanks Deb!)


Last Saturday the Lulu family turned bright red and blue and purple ... no, we weren't angry, we were Kool Aid dyeing!! If you want to do it too, these are the what-to-do's (and some definite what-NOT-to-do's!!)

Start with bare yarn and a truck load of Kool Aid in various colours (oops, sorry, flavours!)
Swat off whingeing daughter who scuttles off clutching packets of said Kool Aid muttering "It's for drinking not dyeing!"














Stop for a bite of spaghetti ... heh heh heh ... soak yarn in water and stir well (NOT!) ... Did someone mention doing it one skein at a time?














Put on plastic gloves (IMPORTANT!) and pose with cheesy smile for the BEFORE picture!














Artistically drape skein over dishes containing dye so it looks professional for the photo













After trying to get artistically draped yarn out of bowls without the colours touching each other and running, decide to use one big bowl with yarn wound round in it















Cover, microwave, rest, rest yarn, microwave, rest yarn, have coffee, rinse yarn, *squeeze out excess water, burn fingers, swear, drop yarn back in water, repeat from *, drape artistically over laundry drying rack, allow to dry whilst cleaning up the wrecked kitchen













Puff out chest and coo like proud mamma at beoootiful colours of yarn produced by own dyed, burned hands














Turn into yarn cakes - delicious enough to eat!
And ... they SMELL so good too!!













Knit up squares to make unique, one of a kind, Kool smelling blankie (and one handbag for said whingeing daughter)














Now, doesn't that sound like fun ... go get some bare, nekkid yarn and some Kool Aid and try it for yourself ... if WE can do it, ANYONE can!!

A Bag for a Bag

This is the lovely bag (tote) that I received in the recent Bag Exchange. It was specially felted for me because I had never seen/felt a felted bag before. It is lovely and roomy and I really like the colours. My super pal included some other knitting goodies as well - jealousy gets you nowhere!!


Thank you so much, bookwoolies aka sheepish61 aka tori .....

MOTHER MUGGLE MANAGED to beat Harry!

Work your fingers to the bone and what do you get .... boney fingers
.... and some pretty nice socks!
















Yes, the socks made it to the opening (at 3-00am)















She got her copy - thank goodness she has ears - or her smile would have gone right the way round her head!















She plunged straight into the book (at 3.30am!!)







Even Precious the cat was ignored ....

















Oh yes, by the way, I invented something else ..... a book band, which keeps the book open while you read!




Well, I guess that chapter of her childhood is closed now .... what's next?

Will Mother Muggle Manage? UPDATED UPDATE!!

I consider DD one of the foremost afficianados of the literary phenomenon currently in vogue .... in other words, she is nuts about Harry Potter!!





At the last book launch, she was super-excited and managed to be Number 100 in the UAE to get the book (at 3.05am!) She had dutifully worn her HP scarf (as megafans do!)

The idea this year was for her to add some more HP knitted garments for her line-up.

Plan A did not quite work out as intended, so Mother Muggle (Me, Myself) has hauled out the knitting needles and is frantically whizzing (wizarding?) up a pair of socks. Naturally, DD did not want plain ol' stripey socks, so we combined stripes, zigzags (scar ala Horcrux pattern) and some liberal thumbsucking by moi! I was stumbling along, having almost completed the first sock, when I realised ....

Urm ... THAT is not much time for a novice like me to bash out a pair of socks ..... I pulled my finger out, finished the first sock and have cast on the second one .....

Bearing in mind, the child does not have feet,

she has YARDS .....

WILL
MOTHER
MUGGLE
MANAGE??????????????????????????

LOTS of coffee later .... we are closer but time has flown too ....

Progress is sure, but slow .... I wonder if she can wear them like this ?




*Sigh* Hubeasts are such odd creatures!

Wine Blossoms ARE (finally) HERE

WINE BLOSSOMS
(Which Wine is Mine)

Wine Blossoms
are a colourful way
to identify wine glasses
during a party.
Each guest gets a uniquely coloured blossom which is easily removable when they use a new glass

I think I have made my fans wait long enough ... so here is the pattern for the Famous Wine Blossoms ... but first a couple of technicalities :

- Please make them, change them, improve them, sell them, enjoy them, BUT ... please call them Blossoms (you can can call them Sue's Blossoms, Linda's Lovely Wine Blossoms, I don't care, but please, in honour of the wonderful person they were invented for ... call them BLOSSOMS)

- If you DO make them, in any form or evolution - please send me pics - I would love to know who is making/using them, and where, and what YOURS look like. Thank you.

The Pattern : (Now, remember, I ain't no designer, this be my first time, so be gentle with me!)




Yarn requirements : I used Double Knitting Yarn (400cm ... 4metres ...158 inches ... 13,1feet) ... talk about using up scraps of yarn!!



Needles : 3.5mm or 4mm (not too big, you don't want floppy blossoms, do you?)

Cast on 13 stitches

Next row : K1 (Knit into front and back of rest of stitches) = 25 stitches

Next row : Purl one row

Next row : Cast Off 2 stitches* (Knit 2tog, Make 1 to end) = 22 stitches

Next row : Cast On 2 stitches* (Purl to end) = 24 stitches

Next row : Knit one row

Next row : Purl 2 tog to end = 12 stitches

Next row : Cast off ...
It is an odd shape, but don't worry - that is what it should be - odd shaped (like me)!








Fold over lengthwise, thus forming the blossom bumps


Stitch together along short side, leaving the *2stitch cast on and *2stitch cast off bits not doubled .... are you getting this - am I 'splaining it ok? Those two little sticking out parts are where you must sew a press-stud or velcro, which will allow the Blossom to be opened and closed around a wine glass..... got it??

Well, that's it folks - looks more complicated than it is - just like me!!

I tried adding beads to the edges (looked crap because I could only get crappy beads! But I reckon nice beads would look quite larney).

I tried crocheting long ties instead of the press-studs, but the guinea pig I got to try them (namely, DH) tied the knot so tight, we had to cut the Blossom off the glass!! Savage!

Please, have fun, adapt and change them to suit your needs. Let me know what you think and how they work out for you!!

Caveat Lector - Reader Beware!!

Reader Beware ....

Some of my posts (well, most actually ...) contain the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, according to Lulu. They are biased, one-sided and contain extremely knitting-politically incorrect content. (And this is AFTER I have edited and re-edited them to take out all the really harsh stuff!)

Readers who are hyper-sensitive, exceedingly non-judgemental, thin-skinned, touchy or delicate are warned not to proceed any further. Exposure to my harsh, straight-talking, direct, blunt, candid views may cause nausea, weeping, faintheadedness and tremors which could lead to the poking out of one's eyes with knitting needles ... especially if the truth hurts.

So read them at your own risk ..............................................................

Just had to take a deep breath .......

BAD sheep!!

The finished bag ....

I finished knitting the bag/tote for my exchange. My pal said she is not a frilly girly girl and prefered natural colours and simple patterns. I have always loved cabled bags, and this was my opportunity to make one!

The finished product looked like this :















Then I added a matching makeup/nick nack purse to match















which I filled with a pen, notepad, lipbalm and other necessities of life!
Then came a little money bag/pursey type thing and some yum yum
thingies and .... off it went ....















I hope my pal likes it .............

...and there was more Harry Potter madness ...

I painted a little ceramic wizard statue, especially for my HP Pal ... I think it came out quite well ... and it even survived the trans-Atlantic trip














My Pal likes stars - can you tell?
She also wanted something specific to the country where I live. These gorgeous replicas of handcarved Arabic doors make lovely picture frames. We made a HP picture into a cross-stitch graph and DD spent hours (um, no .... weeks!) embroidering it.

I loved designing/inventing these special goodies and can't wait to see what my upstream Pal has in store for us ... Long live Knitty Swaps!

A golden snitch stitchmarker holder ...

...try saying that fast three times!!

I joined a Harry Potter Knitty swap. And, of course, had to invent something completely unheard of ... Have a look at the Golden Snitch Stitchmarker Holder ...



It is golden, with white "wings"











When you open the "wings" (ties) out pops a clear plastic egg














Which contains some lovely stitchmarkers




I'm sorry, but I just have to brag .... "Brag"!

I hope my Secret Pal enjoys the uniqueness of it!! She IS the only person in WORLD who has one!!

Talking about wine ..... we WERE weren't we??

Just a little interlude .... and maybe a prelude .... (remember the Wine Blossoms? Well, here comes the pattern, folks ....) But first ....

There is a wine farm in South Africa that is situated right in the middle of a breeding ground for frogs. Yes, frogs! They are protected (the frogs, that is) and at mating time, the frogs have right of way to cross the main road which separates the boy frogs from the girls frogs (kinda!)

So, as you do, the wine farm owners named their wine farm after the frogs .... Paddagang (which means frogway, or frog right of way.) They then went on to name each of their wines in the groggy froggy theme ...






Never let it be said that we South Africans are NorMaL!!

Such a poser .....

A while ago, I f-i-n-a-l-l-y finished the sweater from Hell .... a boring, neverending test of patience and stick-to-it-ness.

DH is not a small size and kept saying "make the sleeves longer .... longer .... longer" - until I threatened to make various of his body parts a LOT longer by strangling him with them!!


But, on the positive side, it DID give me the opportunity to use some of Entrelac's famous stitchmarkers (the first time I have ever actually seen or used these modern devices!)

Anywho .... IT IS FINALLY F*CKING FINISHED!! And here, for posterity is the proof ....

... He hates being photographed and just stood like a lump on a log.....

Until I threatened him AGAIN (see above) ... whereupon, he "POSED"!!















Awwwww....!! The things we do for love ....